I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
