I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
