So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
