Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
