please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
