my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
