You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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