Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Dick very happy bro
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