There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
