what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
