dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize