Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We smell like vodka and hangover
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