mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
