you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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