I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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