What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
