so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
