Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize