a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
