My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
