oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
