Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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