if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
