I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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