finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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