She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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