Soap is not a condiment
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
