and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
