At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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