To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Can you bring me the toilet please
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
