I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
