He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
