Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
