we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We just shotgunned beers for America
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I need a burrito and a hug.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
