I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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