She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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