Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
