Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
