We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
