im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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