is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
