I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
