No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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