and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
