why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
