They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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