ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
