Pappa wants mamma naked
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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