Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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