the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
