i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
