That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
