When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
