Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
