AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
