i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
