He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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