Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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