Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
