In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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