We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
