after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just forgot I was standing up.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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