I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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