I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
