drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
