My cat gives me a boner
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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