i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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